Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
