it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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