I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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