I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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