yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
