and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
