He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
