Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
