Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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