so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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