do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I understand Curling. That high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
