i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
