I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
