we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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