That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize