She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
