Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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