IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
