Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
