i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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