this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
