how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
3pm strippers are depressing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
