A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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