i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
