last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
