How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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