You just made me feel so damn special
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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