I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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