there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
