my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
