new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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