so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
why do cheetos always look like penises
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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