so let's talk penis.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What a dumb baby whore.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
