hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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