i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
