I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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