I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
