u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
