one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
