You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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