On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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