u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
