Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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