Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
