Buhtt sex?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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