but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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