I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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