last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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