remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
