can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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