..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
