You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
