She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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