I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
