I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize