Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
love makes seman taste better
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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