somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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