Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
