just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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