New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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