trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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