It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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